Sunday, November 9, 2008

Politics

Just a quick blurb about the fact that the ban on non-married people being able to foster or adopt children. This really gets me. There are so many children out there in need of SOMEONE to be there for them.

No one is perfect. There are no perfect parents. There is no perfect marriage. There IS the comfort and security of knowing that you have a loving guardian who will look out for you, be there for you when you need them and just CARE about you.

Who cares whether or not the person actually has 'sexual relations' with someone of the same gender?

Who cares whether or not the person is in a relationship themselves? There are plenty of single parents out there that do a better job of parenting than some 'traditional families' do.

Who is ANYONE to say that someone is not able to be a parent? ANYONE can get pregnant. ANYONE can become a PARENT just by sowing their seed - this could be the result of a one-night stand, God forbid it could be the result of a rape, of incest or of many tragic, ill-fated events. How is it that anyone feels that the male and female involved in the creation of those children are better equipped to parent a child than anyone else in the world?

Did anyone THINK about what will happen to all of these children that are affected by this?? Of all of the people that voted to uphold this ban, how many do you think actually have adopted or fostered a child in their lives?? These people had the power to vote on this issue, what about the children? Shouldn't THEIR say in this matter be heard?

The state should REQUIRE anyone who voted for this ban to foster a child. To SEE the need that these children have for someone, ANYONE to care for them...

It should not matter what label you stick on a person. Anyone willing and capable of providing a loving, secure household for these children should be ALLOWED to. I am just sickened by the results of this vote.

This is one of those things that I cannot get out of my head. But, I can imagine that NONE of those that voted for this have even thought twice about it. Why should they?

This doesn't affect THEM.

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Nosey Neighbors

I love my nosey neighbors. I live in a “bedroom community” – the houses are 15 feet apart per city code, lining one street after another. One day in winter as I was performing my daily 5-loads of laundry routine, we received a phone call from a concerned neighbor – across the street and down a couple of houses. She had noticed the steady stream of steam out of the house near the garage and became concerned. Obviously, she doesn’t have three small children or she would not have been. I explained to her that this was the norm and that I appreciated the call – why, it would have been GREAT if she had called and there had been an actual emergency that needed my attention. How nice would that be to have forewarning that your house was burning down?

Although I now refer to her as the nosey neighbor, and smile and chuckle a bit more when I wave to her across the street thinking that she is monitoring my every move, I do sincerely appreciate the fact that someone else is paying attention to things… Even more so now… Now that nearly 3 weeks have passed since someone brutally beat - and God only knows what else - Anne Pressly from Channel 7 news…

I am just obsessed with this… Mainly the fact that they cannot catch the person or persons responsible, then with the fact that she lived in such a close community, a safe community, which I used to live in myself….

When I lived in Cammack Village, just a few streets north of where Anne lived, it was a very quiet neighborhood. We were renting, just as she was (there are a lot of those)… But we had several neighbors that had lived in the area for 20, 30, 40, 50+ years… The houses were close together, although ours had a large front yard, long driveway, which made it not feel as if you were right on top of each other. We hadn’t “met” our neighbors, much more than just waving when you passed each other, maybe saying “Good Morning” as you both traversed the driveway, seemingly side-by-side, so as not to seem like you were ignoring each other. You wouldn’t want to seem rude by any stretch.

We eventually knew enough to find out in advance when the neighbors would be leaving to go visit their child ( daughter? Son? didn’t ask that ) in another city… One of those “We’ll be out of town, please keep an eye on the place” things… Thinking back, since it was an elderly couple it may have been more of “Don’t call the police if you don’t see movement for a few days” kind of thing… This notice that they would be gone was once met with a graduation party my husband threw for me – which worked out great – we had a crawfish boil and ‘borrowed’ their water hose to help with ‘purging’ them in the coolers that we had filled… I digress…

One day I was heading out and the “neighbor wife” was outside. She made some comment like “You are on the computer at all hours of the night”… I was taken aback a bit, but not surprised. I was finishing up my Computer Information Systems degree, and, being a very early riser, would do my homework in the wee hours of the morning. I just explained that, yes, I get up at 3:00 a.m., and yes, I’m in there programming for school… Then it became one of those “there is our nosey neighbor” things, and I would smile and chuckle a bit more when I waved to her across the yard thinking that she was monitoring my every move…

I can’t help but think of, and try to come to terms with what happened to Anne Pressly in such a quiet neighborhood on such a horrible night. I hear rumors of things that happened, to her and in the neighborhood that night. I heard that a group of three young men, appearing to not be from the neighborhood, had earlier that evening approached some kids from the neighborhood asking for money… Haven’t heard that reported on any news outlet, so purely speculation on my part. But, interesting…

Interesting that these kids didn’t find it odd enough to report it to anyone at the time… Interesting that they were not scared, didn’t have any uneasy feelings about it… Interesting that if they stared in the eyes of someone so brutal and violent, that they would not have ‘felt’ anything…

Maybe they went home that night and told their parents… Maybe the parents turned on the porch light and looked out… Maybe they double checked the locks on their doors that night… Maybe they were concerned... Maybe they weren’t…

I don’t have dogs… I have cats. And protector-cats they are not – although since they sleep with me, they will perk up their little ears and look toward any bumps in the night. So I guess they could be called watch cats. But you know, they can meow, but nothing that would actually frighten anyone away, at least not anyone with any sense. But I know people with dogs. And I know that dogs are very loyal to their owners and will do what they can to protect them – whether from another rogue dog down the street or a crazed lunatic wanting to cause you harm. They bark. That’s what dogs do. Some people believe that dogs can ‘talk’ – that they have distinctive barks for things. Like a happy “hi mom glad you’re home” bark and a “get the heck away from me before I eat you” bark… I can see that. I think I’ve heard both before in my lifetime.

We’ve all lived beside the people with dogs. There are the dogs that incessantly bark through the night. The dogs that live inside and you only see or hear when being walked by their owners. The happy dogs that you never hear – you only see wagging tails and smiling at you from the yard. What happened that night with Anne is just hard to try to deduce. Judging from the pictures and stories, I would think that her dogs were the wagging, smiling type. And judging from stories, they were very loyal to Anne.

So what in the world happened that night? If it was someone she knew, and she opened the door and at the same time let the dogs out, the “protector” ability of the dogs just disappeared. But, what if it wasn’t... What if Anne was letting the dogs out that night and someone pushed their way in the house? If more than one person, it would be simple enough to move the small dogs out of the way with your foot and shut the door behind you… But they would bark. They would fuss at least a bit – whether for the fact that they were pushed to the side or the fact that they didn’t know the people.

Where were her nosey neighbors? We all hear dogs barking in the neighborhood. But we know what is ‘normal’. So what happened? Neighbor hears the dogs barking, looks out front. Maybe looks out back… Perhaps turns on their porch light… Then goes back to watching Desperate Housewives or whatever else they have TIVO’d for the night… Thinking “Hmmm… Her dogs usually don’t act like that” and then continues on with their evening routines…

I sleep with a fan on for the noise… I used to enjoy hearing the train in the distance, the crickets chirping, occasional car passing on the street out front, but my husband has ‘trained’ me to sleep with a fan on… Now I can’t sleep without it. I cannot stand silence anymore, not complete silence. White noise is what they call it. I have to have it. My husband was out of town the week that Anne was attacked. My first thoughts were “I am turning the fan off so that I can hear everything.” We have the alarms on the doors which I can hear over the fan, but I can’t hear ‘everything’ with the fan on.

I lied in bed and tossed and turned well past midnight without the fan on… I heard everything – I heard the neighbor’s dog barking… I heard the tens of cars pass by out front. I heard the train in the distance. And all I thought about was the one window in the back of the house that lacks a blind. It’s our back door – and the kids gave the blind on it a run for its money when we first moved in. Now it’s just a window. If you were positioned just so in my yard you could see my kitchen cabinets. If you were standing on my back porch, you could see us all in the hearth room. I hadn’t thought about it much before that – it had never bothered me.

But that night, that is all I thought about. I also became aware of the leaded glass in our front door. If you stand on the porch, and lean in to the window, you could see what’s happening in my living room. Hmm, I never thought much about that either. And without a porch light, how easy would it be to stand on the front porch unnoticed peering into someone’s house? We don’t leave on outside lights for the whole “wasting energy” reasoning. We have a nice house, but nothing over the top. I don’t have a beautiful fountain or extravagant landscaping out front that I want to draw attention to. But, maybe looking good isn’t the only advantage to landscape lighting. I once thought that landscape lighting would just serve to light the way for criminals, now I see it as putting a spotlight on them. But this will only help you if you do indeed have nosey neighbors…

Anne fought and fought hard according to the grape vine… Good for her. I cannot imagine what this poor woman endured and can only hope and pray that she was unconscious and unaware for the majority of this attack. It was so brutal and evil, that I cannot wrap my head around what type of person would do this to an animal, much less another human being.

By fighting, surely she got in a couple of good blows to his / their faces. Scratching always comes to mind from my years of watching police dramas on TV. You always see the perpetrator with a line of fingernail scratches prominently on his cheek. Perhaps her wounds to him were not as pronounced, but they were there. Somewhere in our city, someone was walking around early that week with some bumps and bruises that were not there before that dreadful Sunday night.

Somewhere in our city, there is a man or men who participated in this horrible, evil, unimaginable crime. How do you get by with scratches and bruises like that and no one take notice? Where are his nosey neighbors? Did he come home at 4:00 in the morning a little more ‘energetic’ than usual? Did he give some lame excuse for some bruising and scratching on his face? Was he a boxer? Was he a drug dealer? Was he just a deranged lunatic that people know isn’t “right” so they let him go about his way? Did someone see him on Monday morning, before anyone knew what had happened, and stop and think “Man – what happened to him” only to turn away and continue on with their life. After hearing the news, did someone think “Oh, I saw so-and-so this morning and he looked awful, but, no… Couldn’t be him…” so just continued on with their life…

Is he the man standing in front of you in line at McDonalds? Shopping next to you in Wal Mart – buying antiseptic for some scratches on his face and arms? Is he the man in the car in front of you at a stop light? Is he sitting next to you on a pew at church – seeming a bit more intent on the sermon today than normal? The thought that the people that did this still exist in this world is so hard for me to grasp. The thought that this person is being allowed to see his friends, his family… He’s being allowed to go to his job if he has one… He’s being allowed to draw breath on this earth, and he has drawn several since this happened. All while Anne’s life is done… Her family only has memories and their grief left. This person is out there – perhaps sitting right next to you.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy Valentine's Day!

I awoke this morning to the luscious aroma of fresh baked cinnamon rolls. Bill and the kids ( all bathed and ready for school ) opened the door to the bedroom with a beautiful tray filled with my favorite foods, fresh coffee and a wonderful red rose. It was after 6:00 - something I have not seen in years. It was a wonderful, peaceful morning that would have played well on any romantic movie. Then I really woke up...

It was 3:40. Steve just spit up a hair ball somewhere in my bedroom. Camryn was beside me and had just coughed and sneezed, wiped her nose on her sleeve and THEN proceeded to ask for a tissue. Once she rubbed all over my face, hair, and pillow with said arm and face, she finally reached the Kleenex box to take care of her nose. I scurried to the bathroom to wash what germs ( most likely the latest flu virus strain ) that I could off of myself. And so my day began...

Immediately Camryn said that she was going to throw up. So off to the bathroom we go where she spends about 10 minutes looking pitifully at the commode and finally says "I feel better today. I want some coke." So, what the heck, it's 4:00 a.m., I'm tired and getting the flu myself, I'll give the girl some coke. Dr. Pepper to be exact. So she sits down to enjoy her coke, cuddles up with Carly's bear and blanket, and just as we settle down and get quiet, Carly rounds the corner and begins yelling "That is MY baby!". Camryn reluctantly hands the baby to Carly, then insists that I scour the entire house in search of her baby, which is found tucked neatly in one of her purses, under the spare room bed.

It is now 4:30, I have Carly and Camryn sitting down, drinking Dr. Pepper, watching Lilo and Stitch. I'm on a mission to open a new box of tissue and then I hear a very whiny "I want some coke, too" coming from a not-nearly-awake Dylan who has parked himself between the girls on the couch. Out to the cold garage I go to retrieve another Dr. Pepper from the beverage-fridge. Once back inside, I get Dylan his coke, hand the tissues to Cami and proceed to get another load of laundry going.

As I finish starting the next load of laundry, Cami comes around the corner with a mostly-eaten laffy taffy asking me to unwrap it the rest of the way. I soon find out that she and Carly were sitting on the couch "sharing" the taffy - each taking a bite and handing to the other. Which normally wouldn't bother me a bit, but as you may remember, Carly just got home from a 2 week stay at the Arkansas Children's Hospital Resort where she underwent surgery for a ruptured appendix.

Now I'm sure that she may still have some antibiotics going through her little body, but after what I have witnessed come from Camryn's nose ( and mouth, since she had the vomiting part of her illness yesterday ) the last thing I need to see is still-recovering Carly eating the same food that just touched Cami's lips. But, alas, the damage was already done, seeing as only a tiny-wrapper-covered bite remained in the package. I checked the clock, it was now 5:00 a.m. and my perfect Valentine's Day had begun.

And I wouldn't trade it for a thing.

Happy Valentine's Day to you - I hope yours will be just as enjoyable! :)

Monday, December 17, 2007

Christmas Shopping with the girls...

Sunday I tried to finish up some Christmas shopping at various stores before heading to Sams to pick up the grocery essentials. The girls were in rare form all morning and didn't want me to go without them, so I took them with me. Since the girls had missed their naps - this made the trip quite a noble undertaking on my part. Looking to get 'points' from Bill on successfully navigating 4 stores with two 3-yr olds in tow, I took a deep breath and headed out into the world. They were great at the first stores, only using "1 finger" to touch items and even staying in the cart and not arguing over who got to sit in the seat and who had to ride in the basket. I had a newfound confidence going into our last trip to Sams, especially since their fabulous new carts contain dual seats which always tickles the girls. It was approaching lunch time and I knew that dangling the snack bar pizza in front of them would help this trip also be a calm one.

So off we go into the world of Sams. The first thing they notice are the people handing out snacks! So after they each enjoy a taquito, a bite of cheesecake, a cookie and a drink of juice, we were sailing through the items on my list. Then we get stopped in the coffee aisle by a well-intentioned stranger who was insistent about carrying on a conversation with the girls. She was dressed in a full fur ( yes - real - I did manage to 'accidentally' brush against it ) and was just enchanted by the girls ( who isn't? )... So she asked them their names, how old they were, what they asked Santa for, etc., to which the girls just gave her the worst "Shay" looks they could. I could have convinced the woman that they didn't speak and she would have believed me. They clammed up so much and just gave her the "I don't know you - why are you talking to me" look. Don't get me wrong, being a parent this day and age I appreciate their hatred of strangers, but, when it's obviously a kind older woman, you would hope they might be a bit more likely to engage her in a bit of their precious conversation. Regardless, we spent almost 10 full minutes with this stranger and the girls' dirty looks. This is only important in the fact that if we had continued our quick and painless navigation of Sams, the ending might have been much different.

Carly finally manages a smile for the woman which appeases her and provides us our opportunity to continue shopping. As we round the corner, the girls are just as chatty as they had been before the stranger, but they seemed to slow down a bit. We even passed a cookie sample that they were no longer interested in. Then just as I load up on our bags of chips, I realized that I need to go back to the frozen food section, even further delaying their pizza lunch. Off we go, navigating in and out of the hordes of people there, and something happens. Camryn, who I thought was just looking at something on the floor, had laid her head down on the handle of the cart and just passed out asleep. Carly, not going to be outdone, proceeds to place her thumb in her mouth and do the same - only she doesn't like the hard hand rail and decides to use my arm as her pillow.

It was just precious - they both just went straight to sleep like they were home in bed. We were the talk of Sams as I pushed the sleeping cargo through the store. Though I was tempted by the thought to continue shopping for things I wanted to look at, or to dine like royalty (in absolute peace and quiet) at the snack bar, I decided to go straight to the register and check out so I could get my sleeping angels home. Once the 'receipt' checker realized what she thought was a pile of clothes was two children, we were on our way out into the cold, into the car and home to nap!


Hope all of your holiday shopping trips are as peaceful as ours... :)